my mind is bugging me to blog i dont know why. im like freaking typing with both eyes half -opened. the fact that school ends late today and the weather now is oh-so shiok to have a pleasant nap. straight after blogging. IM so gonna jump onto my bed. im so friggin tired. oh no! ive yet to study for my CA exam tml. hollashit!. nvm will do it whn i woke up later. hope so. ive got to score an 'A' for that module. currently ive been scoring 88/100 for my common test. so pissed cos its all careless mistake!. i just hope i could hit above 90.. pray hard for me tml k. whatever i studied came out for my exam tml. im so freaking nervous can?. the BAD NEWS is. tml PE lesson will presume as per normal. the thing is the paper for tml start ryte after PE. dammitt la...

i dont know if i could cry and smile at the same time. i just hate having mixed feelings.

its hard for me to say that I already give up on him. its easier said then done. im trying hard not to acknowledge him. it just not working hard enough. the fact that i stay up late at nite waiting for him to come online, i felt better if i could see him at least once a day. he brighten up my day la.. sad to say i didnt see him for the past 3 days. my friends told me that IPP got exam so they can leave early once they finish their paper. errm.. oh ya. he's bike is BACK. so he went to school with SUZUKI motobike. i dont want him to involve in an accident again. im worried for his safety la.. haiz. hope to see him tml... okay i gtg now. i wanna sleep for awhile gotta study later whn i woke up. okay OUT for now.

recap on last friday pss BAND performance 17th march


OH MANN..i gotta say this. im seriously proud of my band members. they did a great job. PERSERVERANCE IS WHAT YOU NEED in order to succeed!

lets hear some of the comments from the audience as well as the conductors from the various school after our performance:

Mr Clarence Tan (Music Director,OPSS) is very impressed with how our band sounded during the concert. It is definitely not a bronze band at all.

Hi, your band performance was good yesterday, hopefully got more combined in e future"

"Ur band was good...i find that it improved a lotcompared to last year, the clarinet section sounds nice too...."

"The percussion section are finally playing!"

"your woodwinds are very powerful now, how did you do it?"

"your band has improved alot! tremendously!"


Many thanks also go to the teachers who stand by ourside during the hectic schedule of preparation.Without them and their time put into allowing for rehearsal, we would not be as successful as that evening.

initially i thought im so gonna screwed up my part.. but thank god i managed to play thru out the concert. imagine frm 7am in the morning up till 8pm ive yet to get some rest. rushing here and there. but it was a great concert la. no regrets joining them. so we combined with Orchid Park Sec, Jurong Sec, Bishan Park Sec. we put up a great performance for both combined and individuals.

A BIG THANK YOU to those people who supported us that evening:

nilam, yunn miin, huimin, NANA LILI AND ABI, chingwai and a few others whom ive yet to list down their names. BELOW ARE SOME PICTURES TAKEN FROM THE CONCERT.

so yeah its my first time playing trumpet for concert. wohhoo! its a great experience based on what i did. pretty much satisfied with what ive played so far. im so gonna miss playing horn la. people pls tell the school to at least freaking buy ONE NEW horn or to get my old horn repaired or smth. do smth with it! PLEASE! pretty please. im in need of horn. i wanna play horn!. so straight after the performance, mr clarence tan( music director OPSS) approached me with that BIG smile on his face. (i was like.. errr.. did i just screw up my parts) i was so freaking nervous la. so he came towards me. and ask.. '' are you the first horn player, you sounded very good in horn. why didnt you play horn?. you should you know. so i just give that sign of relief. and answer him '' i dont have any horn'' so he gave me that BLURR look.. he didnt know that i already graduated frm peirce so he thot i shld have my own horn. i told him again '' there's no horn left, its already taken by my juniors and one of the horn havent repair yet.'' so he goes like.. OHHH OKAY~ and i just smile and walk off.. i swear i was PERSPIRING thru out the concert la. as usual the school is limited of FANS in the hall. so imagine how irritating it is perspiring all over while playin. i think if everyone were to place a pail infront of em you'll know how much we all sweat. urrggh. can they like get more fans in future?. the environment plays a very important role. not having a convincing environment would effect our performance, yearhh.. somehow...

anyway i make friends with ONE of bishan park sec band members he's a trumpet player. first trumpet. he was sitting beside me. and it happened that i also play first trumpet so yeah we managed to have some little conversation during our performance. he's a nice guy la. me and sriee has been eyeing on him sine last 2 years? haaaha.. cos somehow we find him quite cute la. is just that we didnt get a chance to make friends with him even if we used to go back together taking the same 410 bus. this time round. he's like sitting beside me so yeah we started chatting and all.

so guess what. i thot i just saw el. i was asking myself like since whn i invited him to my concert.i was late for band rehearsal so peirce already run thru their parts. and whn i came it was opss turn to rehearsed. so i came to join e pssband then. so i make my way to the hall. first thing is, i saw faris nakamura and i mistook him as el. he gave me the shock of my life la. i seriously thot tt he was el. so he was like somehow trying to catch my attention. he gave me that smile. so i gave him. "do i know you?"( tt look).. cos firstly i didnt put on my specs so i cant really see him what i know is. HE turn himself into MAT. LIKE seriously frm innocent guy to MAT. and im not surprised what he would be next. A MATREP?. urrgh. pissed! the fact that he look like mat now, makes me have no doubt mistook him as el. okay so whatever it is. i dont care!

so yearh people guess what. i havent really build up my confidence in myself. like what i mentioned earlier on about having confidence that somehow i'll try not to give up easily. i think ive already made up my mind. its better to hurt now thn to hurt later. i dont want to continue wasting my time having huge crush on someone and at last to find out that he's wasnt meant for you. i think i wasted my time so much thinking of whats gonna happen next. to continue liking or to stop this shit. seriously i dont get the point. now i tell myself. im sick of finding love. let it find me. if he's meant for me, he'll come to me. its all lies in gods hand. god is the one who decide whom my life partner is. let fate bring us together. ive heard so much of this saying. '' fight for your love'' like this so not gonna happen to me. frankly speakin ive got no couraged. you can say anything you want. im just not used being an attention seeker. some guys might like it but not all guys like those kind of girls who went flirting arnd asking for numbers. if im like those girls i think by now i already have one whole list of guys hp number. urggh i just cant la!!. NO WAY im going to do that. yes ppl can say i have a huge ego in relationship. fck it! its wise if guys make the first move. blearhs;p

so for now i dont hope for anything. my mission has already accomplished to at least make friends with him. not more thn that. i have to draw a liine saying that it ends here. there's no point of waiting for smth that is not meant for you. no used holding on if you think of letting go. slowly this feelings i have for him will slowly fade away only if i work on it.

okay like finally he get to see me after waited for a week. so yeah there's nothing to hide about. cos he already know who am i. it was a relief for me cos at least i dont have to torture him anymore. so yeah after break, went back to class for EFC lesson. so while waiting for the apek to come. i was listening to my mp3 phone with lela. we were like having a good time listening to all e jiwangz2 song. at that point of time im so in the jiwang mood la kind of disappointed that ive got no courage to come up to him. get so depressed over it. i was thinking how cruel i am torturing him for week. so before lesson start, saiful was like smiling away looking at me. so i guess he's really up to smth. i was like.. "FUL.. just why did you give me that look??".. i wasnt really paying much attention on him the fact that im still listening to my mp3. so he came up to me and ask. so how's mann? i swear he's like forever asking me tt question whn he himself know that ive got no courage to even talk to him or smile at him. he's just trying to pissed me off smtimes. i wasnt really in my mood just now that jiwangz songs just made it turn so plain moody. so FUL ask lela whats wrong with me?. pasrah?!. like wth.. so he was trying to make me feel better by asking me if i need his help by arranging an appointment with Harvey(mann). i was like wth?. appointment. do i even need to make an appointment to see someone? its okay. ful is just trying his best being a great help. so after awhile i didnt like layan to his crapp. i just look away. the class was practically quiet everyone was busy doing their stuff except this few idiots just have to fight for a FAN. so anyway i saw saiful went out frm the class. and guess what?. mann was like freaking opposite my class la. and it happen that saiful was loitering outside my class. i was like HOLASHIT. he's definately gonna ask ful about me. so yeahh! thats it! saiful was like calling out my name. telling me that harvey wanna see me. OMG OMG OMG. now he soooo gonna know who i am already la. i was like hesitate if i shld go or not. lisha was forcing me not to. and lela was like asking me to go. so finally i manage to overcome my fear. i tell myself. i just have to go and its now or never. man was like waving at me giving me that wide smile on his face. haha! i was like half melting okay! hahhah! blushing and all.. omg.

so after school decided to hangout at the student hub with dee and lala. the compt all are fully booked. there's like alot of people there. at the same time was hoping that HIS there. arrh nvm..so dee was like forcing me to play UNO with her. so yearh being a nice friend. we played UNO and also watch the EYE movie in the room together with lela and those ppl that i dont know. but they are nice people la of cos. so we played together with them. about 315pm we decided to leave the place. GUESS WHO I SAW?!. just whn i open the door. i saw him and his friend sitting at the amphitheatre. hahah! yayness. i drag both dee and lela to the nearest toilet. adjust my hair and all. hahah freaking excited la. OUCH. im so vain huh?. lela is just my sweetloving bitch. she's like the one helping me with my hair and my overall look. see. how sweet she is.. she can be my mak andam in future:) mwah mwacks! so we walk past them. he was like smiling away la! hhhaha. i swear his smile can make any girls outhere melt. no joking abt that. he's just sooooooo cute whn he smile:)))) ... oh my.... shut up rul! anyway i got ALOT of hwk today and alot of trumpet prac before the concert this coming friday. i think i shall just stop blogging for now. i got alot of work to do la. okay people happy HOLIDAY. do call me up if you wanna meet. i try to make smtime for ya. so ppl if there's anymore HOT NEWS for me to share i'll blog again some other time. for now take care people. OUTS!

i stay up late at night waiting for you staring right infront of my compt. nevertheless how tired i am, im still waiting for the moment where you at least come online. how are you? i just want to know if you're fine. i dont know how to describe the feeling that i feel now. its like my feelings towards him its getting stronger as time goes by. im just afraid of this. to fall in love again. loving someone is such a painful ordeal. i kept telling myself that to be with you is close to impossible. i just have this strong instinct. people around keep telling me not to give up, asking me to build up confidence. As for me, i seriously think he soo deserved someone else who is way better than me. urrghh-i just think that its impossible. you see i havent really build up the confidence in myself. the thing now is, i ADMIRE his looks. seriously speaking, i dont know the real him yet. how could i fall in love so easily? love at the first sight- well maybe.. i met him since the first day of school.. somehow he caught my eye. we kept bumping into each other and stuff. i can say i had a HUGE MAJOR crush on him and now its getting worst la. sometimes to think of it its really silly can?. last time is used to be known as FATE. but now is more like checking him out!

well actually my aim is to make friends with him at least TALK to him once and im done with it. like at least i gotta communicate with my HUGE CRUSH. you know- i cant believe this can happen. all thanks to dee! she got his email add. and that she add me into their conversation. so being the smart petom she left the conversation and leave me and HIM alone. so yeahh thats where we first communicate with each other. OMG! its like a dream come true. my mission has already accomplished. okay la its has not reach to e end of my mission yet still got more to go. okay back to what i wanna say. so yeahh we chatted quite long that nite. I JUST cant believe that i actually get to talk to my HUGE crush. i mean altho its not like face-to-face that kind of thing but at least i think this is a good start:) dont you think so?

so practically we chat every nite. he's been wanting to see me. the agreement was made whereby whenever we bumped into each other. i have to give him a flying kiss so that he know that it is me. he plead me to show up myself to him. Last thursday we chat online together. he was so pissed of himself that he didnt get to see me in school. it goes like this:

him: I DIDNT SEE YOU IN SCHOOL TODAY.( with that caps lock)

me: yeahh i didnt see you also. where did you go? ( pretend)

him: i was searching for you in school i still cant find you.

me: really? whn you find me?

him: yes, tadi and everytime i see saiful i will ask him where are you.

him(again): then you never find me=(

me: alaa.. who says? i got find you. everyday i ask saiful if you come to school.

him: awww so swit...

me:=p

him: you please tegur i if you see me.

me: okay sure. you too.

so yearh that was part of the conversation we had on the thursday nite. so i was supposed to tegur him on friday. something just happen on friday. urrgggh! i regret la.

after BPF lesson. i saw his group walking past my class. MY WORKSHEET was in a messed la! urrgh so pissed! apparently most of my friends already pack their stuff and leave the class. and im like left with those few ppl who still struggling handling my messed up worksheet and busily packing my bag. my friend just have to call my name at the wrong time. and i KNOW their intention was to tell HIM that the girl that he's been searching for is in the class. they were like screaming my name at the top of their voice. making it so obvious- so guess what. HE HEARD LA! he was like so excited already.

(thats what vasanthy told me)

whn he heard lela callling nurulhuda, he turn back and tell his friends this, (with that excited look on his face) he said smth like this, '' eh nurulhuda la!! tunggu ar jab''. so imagine those guys were like patiently waiting for someone name NURULHUDA to come out frm class. i swear i didnt know whats happening outside. what i heard was, lela and jannah started calling my name. thats it. so they were like waiting. then one of his friends just have to ask him to go cos they waited quite awhile already. and tt im still not out yet. so according to what vasanthy say.

'' eh huda, i look at him so kesian ar. he give us that disappointed face
before he left, he was like standing near the staircase waiting for
you. dont make him wait la''

URGGH! i feel so bad can?. i mean its not my fault that i didnt came out. and im not avoiding him or anything. for now, im just afraid mayb he would think that somehow i am avoiding him. so after school i waited for him in the canteen to make it up. at least i dont keep him waiting and as i 'PROMISE' i will tegur him whn i see him on friday. well, its over already. im still waiting for him. he didnt come to school yesterday. my day wasnt that good la.. dont know why. tears keep flowing down my cheek. maybe im just too tired i think. lela and jannah kept asking me if i cried. i told them no la.. my tears just roll down by itself. seriously, i dont know why.

okay la im off to bed now. its almost 230am. im schooling okay! pray that i get to see him in school today. out people!

okay people now you guys are like complaining that i havent been bloggin. whn i blog you people didnt tagged. so i assumed that no one cares or would even be bothered to read my blog. maybe thats not the only reason abt my missing in action. lately have been very busy doing assignments and project. like i said in the previous entry. kinda busy doing my project. ive yet to get it done. my god. the deadline is pretty near k. oh ya people. i was invited to play for the coming band concert. SERIE MUSICALEIII. hopefully this time round it would be a successful one. so yearh im playing the trumpet for the concert. this is consider my first time playing trumpet for the REAL concert. hopefully i got the pitch and the fingering ryte. eh? now im in the trumpet section already. then how bout the french horn spirit. anyway im not to be blame cos school just sucks. they cant even buy one horn or get someone to repair. like hollashit rytee. dammit. so now im missing my baby so much. i want my HORN back okay. anyway i find myself pretty good playing trumpet. not bad eh? I cant wait to play into the joy of spring. sigh, kinda dissappointed too cos both me and niece are the only seniors that come back to help out. what happen to the rest of them? no more band spirit huh? ... sigh. thot of having an alumni band. looking at the situation now i dont think there's a need to have alumni band. urrgh watever they are busy and im BUSY too. anyway for those seniors who wish to come back to help out feel free to msg me yeah. The concert will be held at Orchid Park Secondary School, Friday 17th March 2006. tickets will be selling at $5 each. anyone interested to come and support us pls drop me a msg. i will update here again if there's any further information regarding the concert.