itsaboutwhatireallyfeel

Monday, June 27, 2005

start the day in school with all those nagging from the teachers. gosh just another one fcking plain boring day to me. the weather was so friggin humid. i swear perspiring the whole body. all wet. wat a thing to start a day with. getting so frustrated and at the same time the weather just makes me feel pissed off. nth much happen to day. seriously, besides then having some little conversation with him, nth really bother me today. i just feel so blurr.

Last Updated @ 8:00:00 PM

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out

For hating you, I blame myself

Seeing you it kills me now

No, I don't cry on the outside

Anymore...

This song here describes everything. whats in my mind now. so broken up inside~ the lyrics just touches me alot. whenever i heard this song, it relates on myself. well im still stuck here with all those unaswered question. the hardest thing for now is to let go. it hurts so much, [[it hurts so much down inside~ ` im still confused. confused by the way u make me feel. is it for real? why is it so hard for me to forget ya whn i know that u'll never care. and pretty sure that its impossible. U'll never be mine. well i just hate my feelings for that. i hate the way i could never hate u and the fact that i always love u no matter wat uve put me through. thats what i used to believe in. always love ya no matter what u've put me through. so that itself explain why i could never forget you. well, i seriously think that i dont deserved this treatment from ya. stop toying with my feelings, bruised and wounded this heart of mine. im disheartened by his remark, yet i cant stop thinking of him. Must i be forced to subdue the longing of desire towards him?

Now all that's left for me, is what i pretend to be, so together, but so broken up inside~

i need justification from you. - behind that smile we shared, was lust.

i shall remain strong and hopefully i will be able to move on. though this fragile heart could never ever bear such a heartwrenching pain, i guess i'll never able to be with you again. those are just sweet memories btw u and me. and i'll keep tt foreva in my heart. nahh im tired already. i guess i shall stop here. the bed is calling my name? i seriously need to sleep now, cos i have to wake up early in the morn tml for my religious class. yawns~ back to school agaiin. im sleepy. nites* peace out.

uh huh~ one mOre thing, i lOve my mee tOh family. i miss em alOt. yearh. i cant wait to see em again. and to pingx: wats up with ur new hairstyle. i heard ur fringe is short. how short? hahs. cant wait to see ya on mon. i lovee u guys. tonns* -grins

Last Updated @ 10:20:00 PM

Friday, June 24, 2005

wow! finally chnge skin againn. took quite a long time to find a simple skin. i think this will do yearh=) well, stayed at home for the whole day. woke up late just now bcos of ytd party. gosh! party all night long. seriously, we ended our party at 2am in the morning. tts like WOW!

interesting.. interesting. yesterday enjoy hellout of fun. THANKS u guys for coming! i love you all LOADS LOADS LOADS. thanks for being their for me. u all are so sweet. ESP my MEE TOH family. i loveeee youu ppl=)and to all my friends like, Jocelyn, nilam, the malay guys in my class and not forgetting dayan and friend. BIG THANKEW to all of YOU!

getting excited to tell ya wat happen yesterday. BREATH IN* BREATH OUT*.....
firstly im gonna say that jocelyn was rather quite and innocent this time. i dont know why.
im not used seeing her keeping quite, as u can see that she's like so bloody pathetic irritater who cant sit still, irritates her poor friend here every lil minnie second. but ytd was a different JOCELYN. she tried to be well-manered. and i fink she's sweet ytd rytee? looking innocent. wearing her white new shirt with my mom's kari STAIN. gosh. jocelyn: next time eat properly lah. oh ya, i do forced jocelyn to sing. thats my bday request=) geez.

my MEE TOH* familyy: - danial, nana and pingx

thanks you people. i lovee u guys tonns* thanks for the bday surprise. and i LOVE the cake tt u all bought. its my favourite! rich in chocolates* chocolates with almond. thanks for being there for me. im so touched yesterday. almost cried but i managed to whole back my tears. they are just so sweet. hugs hugs* thanks nana! i love that beg marn!!! and u definately know wat i want!
i appreciate it alot. thnks danial and pingx for the shades i lovve it. i'll put on the shades whn we go for cycling or picnic yearh? thanks babe; i lovee u guys tonss*

the malay guys, zaki ruzaini and ridhuan-

hey u people rocks marn. zaki!! i like ur voice. sexy voice~ ruzaini. come on! sing ur lungs out*
actually all of them didnt want to sing. so i kinda forced em. haha so mean rytee. the silly thing is they told my mom that they wanna go home. after sending pingx home together with danial, they came back to my house againn. lol.

dayan, danial and nurul jannah

firstly. we get to know each other better yesterday. dayan and nurul. woots! they can sing ya know~ dayan, thanks for that orange earing=) nurul, thnks for ya heartshape glass. ur so sweet girl. and danial thnks for calling me nurul batisah* ahhhaha. u people rock my day. and stop singing NANA and ACHIK song cos i cant tolerate it anymore. i'll send u guys the newprint asap alrytee. and hopefully post it in my blog=) thnks for coming, hope to cya guys againn.

Nilam sis.
thnks for coming yearh. i lovee u lots! im so gonna miss u. too bad that ytd u cant stay longer cos u needa go for ur class bbq. but yearh. u still get to sing rytee? next time we'll sing together agaiin yarhs? call me up if u wanna drop by. love ya sis* and thanks for being there for me. oh ya. i want my pic!! pics!

lastly my FAMILY.... i lovee u guys!!!!!
Thnks mama!! i lovee you. gosh. my mom was so tired ytd. i pitty her marn. well she still put on her wide smile altho i know tt she's tired. thanks for the cooking=) my dad, sis and brother thanks for the pressie. i APPRECIATE it ALOT!! and i like that brownie chocolate cake. yummy~ makes me wanna drool now. had 2 different cakes ytd=) yumm yumm*

to all those peeps who could not make it yesterday, thanks for ur bdae wish!!

and......... IM GONNA TELL u this, GR speak to me for the first time ytd. and its on my bdae!
gosh. im so gonna melt. drool over him* but yearh he was too old for me. no~ no~

haha.. I SERIOUSLY enjoy myself ytd. bcos of u guys!! u make my day!. i LOVE u all tonns*

a memorable bdae i ever had in my lifee. im so touched by u ppl=)

Last Updated @ 7:34:00 PM

Thursday, June 23, 2005

HAPPY BDAE TO ME. altho its like kinda late. 30 mins .. and GONE!! 24 june. im gonna miss my bdae..tis bdae celebration is the best one throughout my whole life as i get 2 celebrate wif my closest fren n wif my family...MeE Toh FaMiLy ROX!!!!!! I SHALL continue later. the party is still on!! haha. fink nana gonna torn my hse. i chiao for now.

Last Updated @ 11:32:00 PM

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

heyloos. FIRST OF all. im gonna miss OPWO bandsmen. really!! they rocks marn. enjoy hellout of myself there. gosh! it wasnt wat i expected to turn out to be. i thot its gonna be just plain bored exchange. but yearh it turned out to be damn fun! full of excitement. but my dear sims wasnt there. aww. she miss all the fun that we had just now. but add alil bit of embarassment.
that our band played badly today. recruit band wad do u expect? all the sec4s didnt come cos they having their remedials. so the only sec4s who managed to turn up is like less than 10?..
hah. so yearh. the performance is total turn down. i dont know why. but we just sounded so much different. as in GOOD? or extremely bad? u gotta ask me urself. but seriously it wasnt wat it supposed to sound like.

hmm half of the time slot there we spent our time playing games. competing one another. tts was so much fun. altho some of the games the organise is abit too OLD for us we managed to participate actively during those activities carried out by OPWO bandsmen. i can see the team spirit of each band. and its like something we dont usually get to see during our normal band prac. we are so united!! like wat i said. One band one sound* fuyyoo.. bandsmen i love u all.
by the way. aaron and nara irritates me all the way. and u know wat. is like the whole opwo know my nickname. aaron and nara called me BIG foot. tts like wat??
haha. then for the rest like sebastian, marcus and OpwO bandsmen was like wondering why BIG FOOT? so they started looking at my feet. gosh! embarrasing. i shall continue later. gotta meet danial and nana. bbyes! chiaos.love ya babes. esp OPWo BANDSmen.

Last Updated @ 8:04:00 PM

Friday, June 17, 2005

testing testing. 1 23.....

Last Updated @ 5:34:00 PM